There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
