I just saw a hot homeless man
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
