I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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