You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
