Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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