I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
