a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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