mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
