I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
