Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Randomize
