i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Randomize
