Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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