i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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