I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I'm like, not good at living.
Randomize
