My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
