Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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