Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
