why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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