Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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