can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
He better not be in your backpack
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
