I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
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