I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
