respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
