Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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