i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
