I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
