Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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