5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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