you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
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