I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
