His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
