Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
