Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
