I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize