So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
