Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
PS: I just woke up from my shower
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
