my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
We just shotgunned beers for America
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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