Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
