just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
