I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
