i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
