: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
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