hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
