Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
