You just made me feel so damn special
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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