the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
She said her name was "party"
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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