I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
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He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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