I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
