You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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