Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
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