census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
God I need to hump something, right now.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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