Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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