curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
