She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
