I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
