After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
