What did we do last night that was yellow?
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
