I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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