it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
