So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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