so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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