My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
It's blow job season.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
did you just send me my own nude
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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