I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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