U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
